Gender Identity with Children - Part Two from NPR

For the second part of the story that started on Wednesday, May 7th go to the NPR page to listen to the whole story or to read the story: "Parents Consider Treatment to Delay Son's Puberty - New Therapy Would Buy Time to Resolve Gender Crisis."

"Two Families Grapple with Sons's Gender Preferences"

Last evening I heard a great piece about transgender children called "Two Families Grapple with Sons's Gender Preferences" on National Public Radio's All Things Considered. There is a second piece tonight (5/8/08).

Personal Reflection Time Through A Personality Test

In preparation for starting the new year, I decided that it is also a good time to give myself an evaluation of how I interface with the world to ensure that my intentions are communicated effectively with others. On this journey of reading through a few helpful books, having candid conversations with co-workers, friends, family and my partner, I also found an interesting personality test called "Personal DNA" that has been designed by a team of psychologists. The test is innovative, creative and after I received my results, I can also say that it is telling. If you would like to try the personality test, click here for the Personal DNA personality test. (This is a free test.)

Here are the results that I received from the test. My reactions to the test are italicized below.

You are a LEADER...

• Your solid grounding in the practicalities of life, along with your self-assuredness and your willingness to appreciate new things make you a LEADER.

• You're in touch with what is going on around you and adept at remaining down-to-earth and logical.

• Although you're detail oriented, this doesn't mean that you lose the big picture. This is very true - I am compelled to be detailed naturally and also able to "zoom-out" to see a more global view easily.
  

• You tend to find beauty in form and efficiency, as opposed to finding new things, even in your immediate surroundings. Very True! As an ceramic artist, I have learned to love the marriage between form and function with detailed aesthetics as well.
  

• Never one to pass on an adventure, you're consistently seeking and finding new things, even in your immediate surroundings. I am to the core an adventurous spirit! Whether near or far, I can always learn and make the journey exciting!
  

• Because of this eagerness to pursue new experiences, you've learned a lot; your attention to detail means that you gain a great deal from your adventures.
  

• The intellectual curiosity that drives you leads you to seek out causes of and reasons behind things. Yes, I look for the deeper causes and reasons the best I can before making difficult decision.
  

• Your confidence gives you the potential to take your general awareness and channel it into leadership.

• You're not set on one way of doing things, and you often have the skills and persistence to find innovative ways of facing challenges.
  

• You are well-attuned to your talents, and can deal with most problems that you face. I am honest about what I CAN and CANNOT do well, and if I have trouble, I am comfortable with reaching out for assistance.
  

• You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of other's feelings as well. I do my best to be considerate of other's feelings. In LGBT work, it seems that there are many hurt people and sometimes I am beside myself with trying to not hurt others that seem to dwell on being hurt. This can be very difficult at times!
  

• You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time. Yes, my value for aesthetics also comes in to how I present myself!
  

• Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you. I do my best to take responsibility for what I do in life and make sure the best that than can happen will be possible.
  

You are BENEVOLENT...

• You are a great person to interact with - understanding, giving, and trusting - in a word, benevolent.

• You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself.

• Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment. Many people I have crossed paths with in life find relief in being with me because I truly am open to knowing who they are without judgment.
  

• You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.

• You're concerned with others at both and individual and societal level - you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.

• Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate quality in others. I appreciate when people can begin to see into the "gray zones" of the human experience rather than sticking to a dualistic perspective of life and also the ability to see situations with a broad, open minded way.
  

• Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.

• Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people. This is one of my favorite rewards in life - to know that other's are letting their light shine, and that I am supporting people to be the best that they can be!
  

For those of you who know me, what do you think and what are your reflections? Do you have the courage to openly take a personality test like this and ask the people that you interact with for their reflections?

I wonder if in the LGBT movement, if we take more time to review ourselves and make sure that our intentions and greatest skills are used well, what we can do all together!

"The Meaning of Life: Transitioning"

Steve Pavlina wrote a helpful piece about transitions in life called "The Meaning of Life: Transitioning" on his website called "Personal Development for Smart People." In his writing he shares about all the different layers in which change occures such as change in the environment and social change. I especially appreciate the section on dealing with social resistance during transition times.

During the Holidays, Remember these things...

I would like to share with you a few things that I remind myself and my friends every year as we go into the holiday season:

Be safe, don't over eat, don't under eat, and especially - please don't drink and drive.

Be loving and as understanding as possible when you respond to what you perceive as inappropriate or hurtful comments.

Be cautious if you feel your temper rising with heated situations and take care of yourself by going on a walk to cool down and regain your composure.

Be wise enough to know that not everyone has been through what you have been through, and they might not be as enlightened to understand the complexities of your sexual orientation and how you express your gender or your gender identity.

Be aware that there folks that love and care about you even if they are not going to be celebrating holiday season with you. Sometimes this is difficult to remember.

Be calm at the moment when you are least likely to be calm. It is always good to try new things now and then, and to explore what it is like to not play into old patterns.

Be full of gratitude to those that make even the smallest effort to help make things a little better, brighter and more full of love.

Be generous with your love and compassion. Show your friends and family how the power of love can heal, comfort, educate, and empower.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself some time to be alone. Breath, rest and nourish yourself with a good book, bubble bath or whatever it takes to gain a sense of being rejuvenated.

And especially, be accepting of who you are and love yourself no matter what others may think or say.

With this list in mind, I hope that you will celebrate the holidays in the best way possible for you and your life situation. As LGBTA people, we need to be aware of the ways that we and others go through stress, and assist each other through these experiences so that, in the long run, our movement becomes stronger, more brilliant and healthier as we gain equality and work towards justice.

Small Changes - Great Movement!

It is easy not to notice when changes happen slowly. For instance, every day the amount of time the sun spends in our sky is different. As we get closer and closer to winter solstice, we really begin to notice how sparse the daylight hours are. At some point in the summer, we notice how long the days seem. But from today to tomorrow, we usually don't notice the couple of minutes of difference.

Change in the LGBT movement happens in much the same way. There are moments when we really feel the burden of oppression and moments when we are happily aware of our victories. In between those, we are likely not to notice the tiny changes that happen every day; but they are the ones that set the stage for the moments that we do notice.

Another phenomenon seems to occur during the on-going swinging of this pendulum: we are much more likely, as the days grow shorter or the oppressions bear down harder, to succumb to heavy, down-trodden thoughts. We become more likely to allow ourselves to seep into depression and to be more aware of the things that aren't going the way we want them to go. Likewise, it often seems easier to be cheerful on a long summer day or after some small victory for our movement.

We can all learn much from the new age movement, but one thing that I think is particularly worth paying attention to is the power of positive thinking. We are, at all times, in control of our frame of mind. We choose how to address situations, how to think about them, and how to voice them. And, of course, the more positive energy and positive thought that we put in to anything, the better it will turn out.

With all of this in mind I would like to offer us a challenge and a gift idea that everyone can afford for this holiday season. I challenge all of us to choose to think positively at all times – during these short days, during the long days, when we feel down-trodden and when we feel victorious. Let's be aware of whether we are putting good energy or negative energy into our lives and the lives of the people around us. Every moment of every day we choose to act in ways that are loving or fearful. It is up to each of us.

Whether or not you subscribe to any particular belief system, I think these are gifts we can all give to ourselves and to each other this holiday season and beyond: openness, hope, love and care.

Assume that things are getting better, and function from a place of hope and positive, forward thinking. Choose to approach people and situations expecting the best from them. Choose love and kindness over fear. Choose positive actions and collaboration over criticism and scrutiny. Choose to give these gifts to yourself and the people around you and the organizations with which you are involved. Perhaps, with these kinds of choices, we will notice more and more victories, and fewer and fewer oppressions.

Have a warm, loving and thoughtfully-positive holiday season.

"Founder's Syndrome: How Corporations Suffer -- and Can Recover"

Even though the Jeff Montgomery was not the one and only "founder" of Triangle Foundation, much of the transition that is happening for us at Triangle is relavent to us as an organization going through a transition with "Founders Syndrome." I found this guide for organizations going through significant transition with a founder very helpful in organizing the staff and board to move through this time of change: "Founder's Syndrome: How Corporations Suffer -- and Can Recover" by Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD, Authenticity Consulting, LLC.