Tending to the Transition

Gender Identity with Children - Part Two from NPR

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Fri, 09 May 2008 14:56:00 +0000

For the second part of the story that started on Wednesday, May 7th go to the NPR page to listen to the whole story or to read the story: "Parents Consider Treatment to Delay Son's Puberty - New Therapy Would Buy Time to Resolve Gender Crisis."

"Two Families Grapple with Sons's Gender Preferences"

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:28:00 +0000

Last evening I heard a great piece about transgender children called "Two Families Grapple with Sons's Gender Preferences" on National Public Radio's All Things Considered. There is a second piece tonight (5/8/08).

Personal Reflection Time Through A Personality Test

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 13:46:00 +0000

In preparation for starting the new year, I decided that it is also a good time to give myself an evaluation of how I interface with the world to ensure that my intentions are communicated effectively with others. On this journey of reading through a few helpful books, having candid conversations with co-workers, friends, family and my partner, I also found an interesting personality test called "Personal DNA" that has been designed by a team of psychologists. The test is innovative, creative and after I received my results, I can also say that it is telling. If you would like to try the personality test, click here for the Personal DNA personality test. (This is a free test.)

Here are the results that I received from the test. My reactions to the test are italicized below.

You are a LEADER...

Your solid grounding in the practicalities of life, along with your self-assuredness and your willingness to appreciate new things make you a LEADER.

You're in touch with what is going on around you and adept at remaining down-to-earth and logical.

Although you're detail oriented, this doesn't mean that you lose the big picture. This is very true - I am compelled to be detailed naturally and also able to "zoom-out" to see a more global view easily.

You tend to find beauty in form and efficiency, as opposed to finding new things, even in your immediate surroundings. Very True! As an ceramic artist, I have learned to love the marriage between form and function with detailed aesthetics as well.

Never one to pass on an adventure, you're consistently seeking and finding new things, even in your immediate surroundings. I am to the core an adventurous spirit! Whether near or far, I can always learn and make the journey exciting!

Because of this eagerness to pursue new experiences, you've learned a lot; your attention to detail means that you gain a great deal from your adventures.

The intellectual curiosity that drives you leads you to seek out causes of and reasons behind things. Yes, I look for the deeper causes and reasons the best I can before making difficult decision.

Your confidence gives you the potential to take your general awareness and channel it into leadership.

You're not set on one way of doing things, and you often have the skills and persistence to find innovative ways of facing challenges.

You are well-attuned to your talents, and can deal with most problems that you face. I am honest about what I CAN and CANNOT do well, and if I have trouble, I am comfortable with reaching out for assistance.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of other's feelings as well. I do my best to be considerate of other's feelings. In LGBT work, it seems that there are many hurt people and sometimes I am beside myself with trying to not hurt others that seem to dwell on being hurt. This can be very difficult at times!

You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time. Yes, my value for aesthetics also comes in to how I present myself!

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you. I do my best to take responsibility for what I do in life and make sure the best that than can happen will be possible.

You are BENEVOLENT...

You are a great person to interact with - understanding, giving, and trusting - in a word, benevolent.

You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself.

Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment. Many people I have crossed paths with in life find relief in being with me because I truly am open to knowing who they are without judgment.

You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.

You're concerned with others at both and individual and societal level - you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.

Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate quality in others. I appreciate when people can begin to see into the "gray zones" of the human experience rather than sticking to a dualistic perspective of life and also the ability to see situations with a broad, open minded way.

Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.

Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people. This is one of my favorite rewards in life - to know that other's are letting their light shine, and that I am supporting people to be the best that they can be!

For those of you who know me, what do you think and what are your reflections? Do you have the courage to openly take a personality test like this and ask the people that you interact with for their reflections?

I wonder if in the LGBT movement, if we take more time to review ourselves and make sure that our intentions and greatest skills are used well, what we can do all together!

"The Meaning of Life: Transitioning"

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 13:40:00 +0000

Steve Pavlina wrote a helpful piece about transitions in life called "The Meaning of Life: Transitioning" on his website called "Personal Development for Smart People." In his writing he shares about all the different layers in which change occures such as change in the environment and social change. I especially appreciate the section on dealing with social resistance during transition times.

During the Holidays, Remember these things...

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:10:00 +0000

I would like to share with you a few things that I remind myself and my friends every year as we go into the holiday season:

Be safe, don't over eat, don't under eat, and especially - please don't drink and drive.

Be loving and as understanding as possible when you respond to what you perceive as inappropriate or hurtful comments.

Be cautious if you feel your temper rising with heated situations and take care of yourself by going on a walk to cool down and regain your composure.

Be wise enough to know that not everyone has been through what you have been through, and they might not be as enlightened to understand the complexities of your sexual orientation and how you express your gender or your gender identity.

Be aware that there folks that love and care about you even if they are not going to be celebrating holiday season with you. Sometimes this is difficult to remember.

Be calm at the moment when you are least likely to be calm. It is always good to try new things now and then, and to explore what it is like to not play into old patterns.

Be full of gratitude to those that make even the smallest effort to help make things a little better, brighter and more full of love.

Be generous with your love and compassion. Show your friends and family how the power of love can heal, comfort, educate, and empower.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself some time to be alone. Breath, rest and nourish yourself with a good book, bubble bath or whatever it takes to gain a sense of being rejuvenated.

And especially, be accepting of who you are and love yourself no matter what others may think or say.

With this list in mind, I hope that you will celebrate the holidays in the best way possible for you and your life situation. As LGBTA people, we need to be aware of the ways that we and others go through stress, and assist each other through these experiences so that, in the long run, our movement becomes stronger, more brilliant and healthier as we gain equality and work towards justice.

Small Changes - Great Movement!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 21:12:00 +0000

It is easy not to notice when changes happen slowly. For instance, every day the amount of time the sun spends in our sky is different. As we get closer and closer to winter solstice, we really begin to notice how sparse the daylight hours are. At some point in the summer, we notice how long the days seem. But from today to tomorrow, we usually don't notice the couple of minutes of difference.

Change in the LGBT movement happens in much the same way. There are moments when we really feel the burden of oppression and moments when we are happily aware of our victories. In between those, we are likely not to notice the tiny changes that happen every day; but they are the ones that set the stage for the moments that we do notice.

Another phenomenon seems to occur during the on-going swinging of this pendulum: we are much more likely, as the days grow shorter or the oppressions bear down harder, to succumb to heavy, down-trodden thoughts. We become more likely to allow ourselves to seep into depression and to be more aware of the things that aren't going the way we want them to go. Likewise, it often seems easier to be cheerful on a long summer day or after some small victory for our movement.

We can all learn much from the new age movement, but one thing that I think is particularly worth paying attention to is the power of positive thinking. We are, at all times, in control of our frame of mind. We choose how to address situations, how to think about them, and how to voice them. And, of course, the more positive energy and positive thought that we put in to anything, the better it will turn out.

With all of this in mind I would like to offer us a challenge and a gift idea that everyone can afford for this holiday season. I challenge all of us to choose to think positively at all times – during these short days, during the long days, when we feel down-trodden and when we feel victorious. Let's be aware of whether we are putting good energy or negative energy into our lives and the lives of the people around us. Every moment of every day we choose to act in ways that are loving or fearful. It is up to each of us.

Whether or not you subscribe to any particular belief system, I think these are gifts we can all give to ourselves and to each other this holiday season and beyond: openness, hope, love and care.

Assume that things are getting better, and function from a place of hope and positive, forward thinking. Choose to approach people and situations expecting the best from them. Choose love and kindness over fear. Choose positive actions and collaboration over criticism and scrutiny. Choose to give these gifts to yourself and the people around you and the organizations with which you are involved. Perhaps, with these kinds of choices, we will notice more and more victories, and fewer and fewer oppressions.

Have a warm, loving and thoughtfully-positive holiday season.

"Founder's Syndrome: How Corporations Suffer -- and Can Recover"

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 21:08:00 +0000

Even though the Jeff Montgomery was not the one and only "founder" of Triangle Foundation, much of the transition that is happening for us at Triangle is relavent to us as an organization going through a transition with "Founders Syndrome." I found this guide for organizations going through significant transition with a founder very helpful in organizing the staff and board to move through this time of change: "Founder's Syndrome: How Corporations Suffer -- and Can Recover" by Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD, Authenticity Consulting, LLC.

The Values of the Movement

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:37:00 +0000

These past few weeks I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what draws people to be involved in the LGBT movement and to what degree. What is it that keeps all of us working so hard toward our vision of equality day after day, whether we are lucky enough to be "gay for pay" or whether we spend our time volunteering for our favorite organization? I've been asking the staff and the trustees at the Triangle Foundation and random friends and family about this for the past few weeks and I'd like to share some of their responses. For some people there was one specific incident that caused them to want to devote their life to making the world better for LGBT people. For others, there is an unyielding yearning for fairness and safety that keeps them going.

When I asked my co-workers and friends about what they value, in relation to why they do the work they do, I got a wide variety of answers: safety for friends; search for true equality for everyone; acceptance instead of tolerance; sexual freedom; reproductive rights; education; community; anti-violence; peaceful resolution; connectedness; compassion; prevention instead of reaction; relationships; diversity; inclusion; protecting people who can't protect themselves; admitting when we need help; creating safe communities where we can live and raise families; honesty; integrity; leaving the world better than we found it. I could certainly find it in myself to wholeheartedly agree with each of these sentiments. And this is just a sampling of the responses. Personally, I find myself pulled, almost called, to do this work based on several values that run deep through my core:

1) A sense of personal integrity: I do not hide who I am and I do not want my government or my society to expect me to hide.
2) A desire for sexual rights and freedoms: Everyone should be free to live, love, explore their sexuality and set up their family unit as they and the other consenting adults involved in them see fit. These relationships should be viewed as equal to the relationships of heterosexual people in all regards: marriage, adoption, tax benefits, social security benefits, etc.
3) A commitment to non-violence: I think people should be protected from violence in all forms and that groups of people should not be used as social punching bags by the dominant culture.
4) An awed respect for the broad spectrum of possibilities that exist in the human experience and what it means to be a part of that and to interact with other people in their experiences.

The question begging to be asked next was where do these values lead us? What do they lead us to do? How do they form our personal lives and interactions? How do they form and influence the actions of the Triangle Foundation? How do these values get transferred into the way our organizations work with each other? How do they influence our movement as a whole? Do our values always lead us or do some of them get misplaced in the daily grind?

I don't have all of the answers to these questions, but I'll be thinking about them and you may be reading about them in future blogs. For now, feel free to leave your comments and join in the discussion. What are your values? What leads you to be involved in the LGBT Movement? What issues are you committed to? Why?

What I do have, is a general beginning to what I think drives the staff and board and volunteers at the Triangle Foundation. Not to replace our Mission Statement or our Vision statement, which you can find on our website, but to enrich the way we think about our roles and our jobs. And, to keep us going through the times that we receive hate mail, the days that we field particularly difficult calls from victims of hate crimes and the years that we face demoralizing legislation that still, despite our best efforts, gets passed.

The beginning of THE VISION:

From the grounding values of love, respect, freedom and equality

Motivated by friends, family and personal experiences,

the Triangle Foundation strives to abate isolation, fear and hatred

by pushing our society and government toward a goal
of personal rights and freedoms, compassionate acceptance and personal responsibility.

Week Seven Transitioning...

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:59:00 +0000

At the Triangle office we are becoming comfortable step by step with understanding that this year is a transitional year. Seven weeks have gone by now since Jeff Montgomery stepped into his new role of Senior Strategist and I stepped into the role of the Interim Executive Director. That is when the change happened, the biggest change for Triangle Foundation, and now we are in a space of deep organizational transition filled with new opportunities. Change is what happens when there is a major shift. Transition is what occurs before, and for periods after, the actual change.

When I was in graduate school 10 years ago, William Bridges became one of my favorite change and transition experts. He focuses most of his change work on the process of transitioning, how organizations and individuals move through the unknown and uncertain times. He writes, "Transition is not just a nice way to say change. It is the inner process through which people come to terms with a change, as they let go of the way things used to be and reorient themselves to the way that things are now. In an organization, managing transition means helping people to make that difficult process less painful and disruptive."

At Triangle Foundation, my role is to help to manage the transition, keep everything in the organization functioning well, and also to begin to create space that will be open for more growth, focus and opportunities. My door is almost always open for the 20+ staff, interns, volunteers and trustees that are present during the week at our office. People have all been dealing with the transition in their own ways. To some, "change" is a negative word, to others, it is a possibility for new systems to come into place, and there are other folks who just want to keep doing their jobs well without focusing intensely on "things being different." This is typical in an organization going through the process of transition.

Jeff and I have both had moments during these past few weeks where we have laughed, felt awkward, and at the same time have been excited about our new roles. In the first couple of weeks, we started out with Jeff still working in his office, taking his calls there and working on his computer, and I worked in the common area where board meetings are held and the staff gathers for lunch every day. Then after two weeks, I moved into Jeff's old office, he cleared out his many photos with dignitaries, his gay action figures and his uncountable awards and pieces of memorabilia from a multitude of organizations and people that have recognized his courage and his outstanding work for LGBT justice and equality. Slowly, I moved a few things into the very oddly bare office...and empty nails still covered the walls where his many photos used to hang.

Finally the time felt right, and a few fellow staff members and I brought in the plants that I had with me from packing my office up at American Friends Service Committee, and I brought in a colorful lamp, along with some other office tschotchkes. We did an impromptu ceremony complete with a sage smudging to prepare the space for different and new energy. Dawn, Michael, Greg and I all said a few words of thanks for all of the years that Jeff had used the office to do his amazing work, and we also said words to dedicate the space to be a good place for me to work during this transition year. This was a very valuable ritualistic step in our transition for us to recognize the newness and the loss that we were all feeling at once.

A few days later, Jeff and I were working together again, and this time, he came into my new office and sat in the chairs that guests sit in and I sat behind the large wooden executive desk. At one point in our meeting, I cracked a smile and said something like, "Geeze, Jeff, this is kind of crazy, isn't it!?!" He let go a little too, relaxed his body, smiled and agreed and said, "I couldn't imagine it going any better..."

Transition times are bound to be filled with mixed feelings, an awareness of opportunities, and a sense of loss as well. As Triangle continues the journey through this transitional year, my greatest goal is to keep all of us, the board of trustees, the volunteers, the interns and especially the staff, grounded in being able to be full humans, aware of our thought processes, feelings and of each other, so that we all can successfully reap the benefits of growth, personally and as an organization. As our organization continues to grow, please consider making this a time when you either join or renew your membership with Triangle to help us continue to move to the next level with vibrancy.

Welcome to my blog, Tending to the Transition!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Runyon) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 15:14:00 +0000

In the light of the transitional changes at Triangle Foundation and my position of being the Interim Executive Director through next September, here in my blog you will be able to track my personal thoughts, perspectives and areas of learning. The transitional time at Triangle need s a certain kind sensitivity, vision and care to tend to all of the individuals going through the changes which includes the staff, interns, the board of trustees, volunteers and the broader community. I see the process of going through the transitional year as “tending” just as I do and my family members do to oversee my garden or my family’s apple orchard with care, a watchful eye, damage control, good pruning, a healthy dose of fertilizer, all in hope for a high crop yield at the end of the season and healthy years to come.